When the Pen isn't Mightier than the Sword

Every morning it’s the same…Did you finish your math homework last night? Did you put your ELA folder in your bookbag? When is your science project due? Don’t forget your lunchbox! Over and over again, it plays like a broken record set on repeat. And don’t even get me started on the back-to-school supply lists! Is it even possible to use six packs of notecards and ten glue sticks in a single school year? Never mind…I’m getting off topic. Regardless, it seems like it’s never ending the way we make sure to prepare our children for the tasks they will face each day. As parents, myself absolutely included, we make such a big deal out of it all. We send them off with a constant reminder of the pressures of this world. They know how important it is to be responsible, to get their homework completed, to study for their upcoming tests and complete assignments and projects, because they learn to prioritize the same way we did. They learn by watching their parents.

But what about making sure they’re prepared for their day spiritually? Do you send them out prepared for battle with a #2 pencil or a sword? Strange question maybe, but I assure you, it’s no joke! What our children are facing as we send them out the door each morning is nothing short of a daily battle. A battle against their flesh, against gossip, against evildoers and manipulators, against an army of the devil’s plots and schemes…all well thought out and strategically placed, neatly wrapped with the names of our children on them. How do we protect them? How can we trust that they won’t fail the test? By entrusting them to the one who has already won the war. The best way to prepare them is to teach them how to prepare themselves each day. In Ephesians 6, Paul encourages us to “put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” This is the example given by our heavenly father…. His battle plan for winning every day. Pray it over your day, pray it over your children…and then pray it with your children.

“Dear Lord, as I get out of bed today, I know I’m stepping onto a battlefield. But I also know you’ve given me everything I need to stand firm. So in the power of Your Holy Spirit, I put on the armor of God:

First, I place the Helmet of Salvation on my head. Protect my mind and imagination; focus my thoughts only on the things of God. Holy spirit, guard my eyes, that no sin would creep in.

Let the Breastplate of Righteousness guard my heart and keep my emotions safe. I pray that I won’t be governed by my feelings, but by Your truth.

Wrap your word around me like a Belt of Truth and safeguard me from error.

I put on the Shoes of Peace to guide my steps. Plant my feet in Your truth and empower me to stand firm against attack.

I take up the Shield of Faith. Lord, protect me from the fiery arrows of doubt, denial and deceit. Place me shoulder to shoulder with Your army to oppose the Devil’s schemes.

Finally, I take up the Sword of the Spirit, Your Word. Place it in my heart in a fresh, exciting way so I will always be ready to deflect attacks and pierce hearts with Your truth.

Lord, I know I’ll face attacks today. But You’ve empowered me to stand firm. Give me strength for the battle today. Amen”

Worth Fighting Fair

In marriage, it’s understandable that husbands and wives aren’t always going to agree on everything. Conflict just comes with the territory. But why is it that we are fighting against each other, when we should actually be fighting for each other? Why are we willing to fight harder for ourselves than we are willing to fight for our marriages?

At the Samaritan Counseling Center of Southwest Georgia, we believe in the importance of fighting for marriages. Our objective as Christian counselors is to come alongside couples and equip them with the tools they need to start fighting for each other instead of against each other. We offer marital counseling that teaches healthy, effective communication and conflict resolution based on the foundational principles of Christian marriage. Some of the essential components of healthy conflict resolution we teach in marital counseling are…

1) Your spouse is not the problem. In healthy conflict resolution, it’s important to focus on the problem, not the person. Whenever we focus on the person, we begin to place blame. While it’s important to recognize and accept responsibility for each person’s role in the conflict, placing blame on one spouse or the other only serves to limit communication.

2) Listen to understand, not to respond. All too often, we are guilty of preparing our defense instead of listening to what our spouse is trying to communicate. It’s really no different than a lawyer yelling “I object” in the middle of a witness statement…and unfortunately that pattern of communication within a marriage often ends in a courtroom.

3) Take responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings. Starting any statements with “you” isn’t going to get you anywhere but sleeping on the couch. In counseling, we encourage the communication of thoughts and feelings using “I” statements. This minimizes the sound of blame and eliminates the tendency to get defensive.

4) Agree to disagree. There are times when spouses will have to accept that they just aren’t going to agree. A good example would be a Georgia Bulldog fan marrying a Florida Gator fan…it is highly unlikely they will ever agree on which team is the best. As a matter of fact, there’s a whole market out there for “a house divided” license plates for this very reason!

5) It’s not about right or wrong. It’s about what is BEST! There is a common misconception that if one spouse is “right” about something, inevitably the other must be “wrong.” The truth is, when it comes to marriage, communication is rarely that black and white. What’s most important is being able to work together to identify what is BEST.

Healthy conflict resolution in a nutshell: Work together to do what is BEST, and trust the Lord to take care of the rest!

Anxiety Interrupted

Each of us experience anxiety at some point in our lives. Some are more sensitive to its effects and our lives can be repeatedly disrupted when symptoms begin to feel overwhelming. At times, increased anxiety may be the result of a recent traumatic event. Sometimes it may seem like everyday problems are starting to spin out of control. At other times, it may feel like anxiety or stress are coming out of no where and we may not even be aware of how stressful life has become until the symptoms begin to pile up.

Being aware of the symptoms may help identify and address the problem before it intensifies. Symptoms may include: difficulties falling or staying asleep, excessive worry about big things, little things, anything, or everything, muscle tension, tension headaches, physically feeling on edge, indigestion, IBS, stomach ache, diarrhea, increased discomfort in social settings, panic attacks, irritability, perfectionism, or compulsive behaviors.

One of the biggest contributors to anxiety is fear. Fear-based thoughts can seem overwhelming: “what if it doesn’t work out, what if I fail, what if they don’t like me, what if…?” Playing or replaying the same old thoughts will not change the past or redirect the future. Thinking through it one more time only wears us down emotionally.

One way to identify and challenge those irrational fears is to write out your “self-talk” after you have felt overwhelmed or extremely anxious. Write out word-for-word what you tell yourself when you are anxious or stressed. These are the thought patterns feeding into those anxious feelings. Ask God to help you identify and change those patterns. There is a reason scripture tells us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, to keep our minds on that which is good and lovely and upright.

If you or someone you know are experiencing anxiety, seek out a pastor or trained professional.

Face Your Fears

Fear comes in many forms: fear of spiders or snakes, fear of not being loved, fear of being hurt, fear of the unknown, fear of being known, fear of heights, fear of open spaces, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of public speaking, or even a fear of the fear. Some fears are legitimate. Some are not. If you’re swimming in the ocean and several sharks surround you, you’re probably going to experience some legitimate fear. Life happens. Bad things come our way. But we don’t want to center our lives around the fear of what might be or for our plans to be constantly disrupted by those fears. Most of the fears or anxiety we experience about the future won’t happen. We spend a lot of time and energy worrying or fretting over what we can’t change. Face your fears.

Name It. Name or list what you are afraid of. If the list is several pages long, this may be an indication that your problem isn’t the things you are afraid of but the problem is your fear. Be specific. Everyone is afraid of something. Be aware of what may have triggered the fear. Ex.: f you were bit by a dog, there is a reason you may have a fear of dogs.

Be Aware of What You Do Because of Fear. Do you avoid people or social situations? Do you keep people at a distance because of what they might do or think about you? Do you hurt others because they might hurt you? Do you do nothing because it is safer than the risk of being hurt or embarrassed?

Small Steps. If you have a fear of the water, don’t just jump in to the deep end of the pool, take small steps. If there is a fear of public speaking, be intentional to take small steps to talk with others, talk in front of smaller groups, talk about something you are very comfortable with, talk in front of groups that you know are safe, be prepared and practice before you step up.

Be Aware of Your Emotional Reaction. Don’t expect that your fears will just disappear if you take small steps. Be aware that as you face your fears your anxiety will initially go up rather than down. The more you face this fear, those fears will eventually normalize. There is a reason you are experiencing the emotion of fear – your thoughts telling you that you are not safe but those thoughts may not be accurate.

Identify Any Irrational Thoughts that Feed into the fear. If you think it you are going to feel it but that doesn’t mean that the fear is legitimate. Challenge the irrational thoughts with truth. For believers, we find our truth in scripture, what God says about Himself, about us, about where we find our strength, hope, and security. Fear focuses on the problem rather than the God who will get us through the problem. Do we believe He is greater than anything we will face? Do you let fear drown out His voice? Do you believe your fearful “truths” rather than His truth. If you know that fear is interrupting your life or stealing your joy, take an active step to talk to someone or begin working through what is driving those fears.